


Et si j'ai les yeux rouges c'est que j'ai des problèmes (et que j'aime pas en parler)

by cigarettesandalcohol



Series: I get round to loving you (Is that such a crime?) [7]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Brother/Brother Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Tainted Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:30:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18881635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol
Summary: Oh p'tit frère, j'me fais du souci pour toi, en ce moment.





	Et si j'ai les yeux rouges c'est que j'ai des problèmes (et que j'aime pas en parler)

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the summary refer to a hauntingly beautiful song by Jul - "Petit frére". Théo Griezmann had it on his insta stories like two weeks back...  
> The title says basically "And if I have red eyes it's because I have problems (and I don't like to speak about it)"
> 
> Ô petit frère, on se voit moins depuis qu'on est plus chez maman  
> Ô petit frère, je me fais du soucis pour toi en ce moment  
> Ô petit frère, envoie moi un message quand t'es rentré  
> Ô petit frère, s'il t'arrive quelque chose c'est moi qui vait me ganter

Antoine almost had flashbacks of his own wedding that night when Théo came home late again, this time in a much worse state than usual. By some miraculous foreboding of something bad happening, Antoine woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall asleep again. He rolled over on his bed at least ten times, then went to the bathroom to grab a glass of water, and even tried listening to a random podcast in Spanish to help him relax; he still did that although he's practically mastered the language already. Nothing seemed to be working. With a frustrated sigh, he took the headphones off and put them with his phone on the night table. 

Not a single thought of his younger brother crossed his mind at the moment, he had learned to ignore him and his late night adventures as long as it wasn't causing any harm to either him or to Erika and Mia. He didn't care where Théo was as long as he was back home the next day. 

When he heard strange, loud noises - as if made by doors being shut closed repeatedly - coming from the other part of the house, his brain immediately shook off the fog of fatigue and sleepiness. It took him a few seconds to realize it's probably just Théo, who has returned home, and there's nothing to be afraid of.

He checked the blood red digits on the alarm clock. _02:31_. Well well well, it seemed that Théo didn't have his usual stamina today, at least judging from all his talks about 'partying till four in the morning'.

Antoine lay his head back on the pillow calmly, trying to ignore the noise coming from the hallway. After a few more seconds of the continuous noise, he clenched his fist in anger, spotting the aggressive thoughts running through his head. _For fuck's sake, keep it down_. _For fuck's sake, just get lost in your room and don't wake Erika and Mia up. For fuck's sake -_

A particularly noisy sound of something hitting the floor and possibly crashing had him almost jumping out of the bed. Even Erika, so far calmly breathing by his side, seemed to be disturbed in her sleep by the noise, and she rolled over, muttering something unintelligible.

 _For fuck's sake, you little fucker._ Antoine was out of the bed within a split second; and in the next moment, he was already out of the bedroom, on his way to the origin of all the blare.

He hit the light switch and was almost ready to shout " _'the fuck are you doing here_?" at the same moment but the sight in front of him left him speechless.

Théo was half kneeling and half laying on the carpet, head resting against his own forearm - a real and live embodiment of the word _wrecked._ In one hand, he was holding his own white jacket - which wasn't white anymore as there was dirt and vomit all over it. Antoine had to forcefully stop his own gagging reflex.

"What the fuck have you been doing?" he exclaimed, trying hard to keep his voice down. _Oh God, Erika can't see this_ - 

" 'm tired," he mumbled as if he had no problem with falling asleep like this, hugging his fucking dirty and stinky jacket on the floor.

"Get the fuck up!"

He rushed towards his brother; the musty smell of alcohol and vomit made his insides clench once again but he still kneeled down by the miserable human wreck on the floor and attempted to lift him up. "Hey, you need to at least wash your face!"

Théo could hardly open his eyes, only a thin line of the white of his eye could be seen under the heavy eyelids.

"Are you crazy?" With one quick look, Antoine checked the whole situation. The main door was still open, and a cool summer night wind was coming in through it, providing some fresh air to the overall disgusting scene. The keys were still in the keyhole as Théo has probably just unlocked the door and stumbled inside before falling to the ground.

"Did you come here alone?"

Théo rubbed his forehead against his arm repeatedly. " _'_ don't know."

"Can you get up?"

" ' _eve me alone_ \- "

Antoine remembered his own wedding and what happened at the toilettes there - Théo's hands all over his own chest, his words and breathing so close to his ear, too close for his likings, and his pitiful sickness at it all - was this karma? Was this what he was getting in return? Was this all his life should be from now on?

"Come on, you need to get up - " He shook with Théo's limp body but there was no response. "Hey, wake up for fuck's sake!'"

" ' _m_   _tired_ ," Théo repeated, swallowing the first part of the sentence this time,

 "You can't sleep there - god, it's all so fucking dirty - "

Was it possible that Théo was just mirroring his actions and his behavior - _again_?

He ended up almost like this at the wedding - and Théo had to do the same, he couldn't help it, he just had to be like him, scaringly accurately _like him_. 

And yet, while almost unconscious in his older brother's embrace, Théo's lips seemed to curl up in a weak smile. 

This was what he wanted. He wanted to be held, cared for; he longed for Antoine's scared wide eyes and terrified expression - 

_\- it's just like when we were young, Anto. When we were fighting and you hit me too hard and blood rushed from my nose - I started crying and you knew immediately there would be trouble if anyone finds out. I remember that. Do you? It was the fear of other people knowing what you did._

"Théo, for fuck's sake - just sit up - "

_Is that the same feeling now?_

"HEY, sit up, okay? I'll get all this shit cleaned but you need to get on your knees and go to your bedroom - "

_The blood is running down my face, Anto. Everyone will know._

  "Just fucking listen to me, okay? I need you to sit up."

  _You always pleaded 'Just don't tell ma' and promised me something in return if I keep my mouth shut._

"Why would you do this to yourself?"

_What are you gonna promise me now?_

With Antoine's great help, he managed to sit up on the carpet, though his head was spinning and he was close to being sick again the whole time, At least he managed to fully open his eyes, and after a while of a confused slow searching, he has finally found Antoine. 

"You destroy me."

He spoke slowly, like a pre-programmed machine.

Antoine's heart jumped a little.

Did he just - 

Did he just say that?

_You destroy me._

YOU destroy me.

YOU destroy ME.

His fingers dug deeper into Théo's flesh that he was holding so carefully in his hands - he didn't mean to do that, it was just a natural reflex to a false accusation, of course, but his mind worked differently than his body. He has learned that a long time ago.

"I know," he said, accepting the mind play to its fullest. "I'm so sorry - so fucking sorry - Théo - "


End file.
